It's no question that smartphones can inadvertently cause conflicts in a relationship. Some people get mad at a text that was sent too late, or contained a dramatic period at the end of what was supposed to be a casual "hey." Some have even fought over it. Could your phone be secretly ruining your relationship?
Obviously, the phone itself isn't making anyone to scroll through Instagram whilst they're with their partner but it does seem to create unique problems that would not have existed even 15 years ago. This new digital age creates issues we never imagined and they could be doing your relationship more harm than good.
1. You feel neglected when your partner has their phone out even if they claim to be listening
We tend to be sensitive, especially in romantic relationships, about being a priority in our partner's lives. The other person could claim to be listening whilst checking their messages and it becomes a symbol of how present somebody is at the moment.
Intimacy comes from being able to share authentically with another person. If you are looking at your phone rather than in your partner’s eyes, there can be no intimacy.
Put the phone down, look your partner in the eye and actually make them feel valued and heard.
2. Your phone is always on your mind
Some of the most private moments couples have are in bed, yet checking your phone first thing when you wake up can definitely feel like an involuntary impulse. You put the phone near your bed and you use it as your alarm clock, you pick it up and it’s this automatic reaction to checking your email, checking your texts, Facebook, Instagram, etc. It just becomes a habit that you do, without even realising that you’re doing it.
On top of this being annoying to your partner who just wanted some quality time in the morning, it also removes the sense of aloneness when you open up Instagram.
Try to give yourself a good 20 phone-free minutes when you wake up. Take time to set intentions for the day, connect with your partner and get mentally prepared for the day ahead.
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Could your phone be ruining the connection between you and your partner
(Konbini)3. You can feel genuinely hurt if your partner doesn't text you
When people text, to them, it’s very immediate, and if there isn’t an immediate response, you kind of feel like you’re being ignored.
If you’re at a job where you can’t check your phone, you have an acceptable excuse for not being prompt. Perhaps you're relaxing alone and just want to watch a show without maintaining an immediate back-and-forth convo with your significant other. You could have even seen the text and forgot to respond.
The immediacy of phones has us all expecting real-time communication, even when it's not possible. This can lead to conflict but try and be empathetic. Think of all the times you forgot to text back that was completely innocuous and extend the same courtesy to your partner.
We are not entitled to everyone's time all the time.
4. If you're a strictly-texting couple, you may be missing out on higher levels of intimacy
As social animals, we get a lot of information, consciously and unconsciously, from being able to see someone’s facial expressions, for instance. We also get it from touch, if someone gives you a hug, strokes your arm, that releases a chemical called oxytocin which makes you feel bonded to that person.
We get a lot from the tone of voice, the way someone says something. And all of that is lost in a text, and some of that is lost in Skype or the phone, so you have these different levels of information.”
It's easy to feel like you're always talking when you text, but actually calling your partner for a nightly recap and hearing their voice feels way more intimate, especially when you can't be together in real life.
In conclusion, put down the phone and make more of an effort to communicate with each other. Don't let a device lead to the degradation of the quality of your relationship.
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