Dear Bukky,
I have been dying for advice about my relationship. To start off, I met this guy in June of 2017 (almost a year now) and we live two hours away from each other. At first, I didn’t take him seriously, but something happened and we went from texting occasionally to talking all day every day.
In December, I found out he had a girlfriend since August of 2017. I was so hurt and in disbelief because we would take turns driving to see each other EVERY weekend and we would talk on the phone every day, not just once a day, but at least 10 times a day.
I didn’t want to believe it but he said he was still with her because he didn’t know how to tell her. Which I can believe because he really is a sensitive man. But when I found out about her, I asked her some questions and she immediately said “you can have him, I’m done.”
I felt bad, but I decided since I’ve never felt this way about anybody, that I would stay. He made a promise to me that he would never be with her again and his focus was on us. Later that month, she said she was “pregnant” but I didn’t believe her because she told him after he told her he wanted to be with me. A few days later she said she had a miscarriage because she was so stressed about us and I could tell it killed him.
Even though I didn’t believe she was pregnant at all, he believed she was and he made her feel guilty for choosing me. Well, time passed, we moved on, still together, and in February, she tells him she’s a week pregnant.... she already has a child, so maybe she can tell she’s a week, I don’t know, but it’s crazy to me! I didn’t find out about her being pregnant until March.
He was hiding this from me because he knew he would lose me and he didn’t want to be with her. I was devastated because, truly, if he didn’t want her, he wouldn’t have gotten her pregnant twice! (Supposedly).
But keep in mind, he’s known since February but still hasn’t seen an ultrasound, a pregnancy test, or a doctor appointment. So because I thought she was lying again, I stayed. I saw texts between them and he told her multiple times that I am who he wants, and he wants to be there for the baby but he does not want to be with her. She didn’t want to hear that. She cussed him out and said “I thought you would be happy” and told him she would do it on her own. (Raise two kids with no father) And my boyfriend didn’t like that response, so they started arguing.
To skip through the story, I stayed and it’s been almost two months since I found out she was pregnant and she hasn’t visited the doctor. She keeps “forgetting” but she doesn’t forget to text him! Well Thursday (April 19) I and my boyfriend went to a party where he lived, and the 3-month pregnant ex was there.
To me, she wasn’t showing, but he was with me the whole night, and the next morning he tells me she’s in the hospital because she saw us together and cried and started bleeding. I still think she’s full of crap but should I deal with this anymore?
Is it worth it for me to stay?
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Dear reader,
No man who truly wants to let go of a woman finds it difficult to tell her about it. If you began your relationship with him in June and he began with her in August, what does that tell you about him? He had you before going on to get her. Maybe he is not so sensitive as he makes you believe. Maybe he is just manipulative.
Here’s the thing; I do not know this man personally. Never have I ever met him either. But you sound like he’s a nice guy [when he’s not getting girlfriends behind your back].
I might just as well add to it that whatever good intentions he may have has become defeated the moment he took that other woman and has refused to cut ties with her even after you found out!
Don’t be played. If he truly wants only you as he claims, he wouldn’t have gotten her in the first instance. Neither would he be around her enough to warrant another ‘fake’ pregnancy. I mean, if he hasn’t been sleeping with her, a claim of pregnancy wouldn’t have even stood at all!
In my honest opinion, he and that woman are manipulative and deserve each other. Step aside and let him figure out his life. When he’s sure he really wants ONLY you – indeed and not just by saying it – then you could reconsider your options.
And if you must stay with him, ensure he forces that woman to take that test to be sure of that pregnancy first. That’s a huge factor in how things will play out in that relationship.
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